Joelle van Dyne (no relation to Joelle of this blog other than the latter taking the former's first name), member of the UHID (Union of the Hideously and Improbably Deformed) wears a veil to hide her face. While it isn't clear if Joelle is deformed in the traditional sense of what we think of being deformed as being (it may be -- as she states -- that she wears the veil because she is deformed more in a metaphysical way that she is too attractive to be able to properly function in society; her beauty has plagued her throughout her entire life because people can't properly relate to her or function is a normal way when in her general vicinity without acting all strangely affected in some improbable way by the overwhelming beauty), it is clear that she wears the veil to hide her face.
Andreas Ludwig received another e-mail. "Andreas! People are looking at your LinkedIn profile! Click here to improve it." Andreas clicked and followed each of the suggestions. Add some volunteer activities; ask for a recommendation; add the skill "conflict resolution"; choose a background image for your profile. After completing these steps, Andreas checked his gmail to see if he'd heard from any of his co-organizers for the upcoming White Lives Matter Too protest that would form a blockade at mile 25 of the München Marathon, preventing runners from finishing the race, hoping that the runners would unite and join with his cause. "My hope is that the runners, after 40 km of running, will be in a state such that rationally realizing that there's no hope to finish the race that instead of being angry or complaining or violence breaking out or anything like that, that they will instead join in our protest and basically stand in solidarity because we're not asking them to not finish the race, what we're asking them to do is stand for justice which is all we're asking for, and that's a reasonable thing to be asking because our lives are just as hard, if not harder, than refugees because haven't you seen them taking selfies!?". Andreas was happy with how he came across in the Süddeutsche article and added a link to it on his LinkedIn profile page. He then made some soup, read some more e-mails, and rolled his eyes at some comments below his latest Instagram post which showed a Syrian refugee holding a Dolce & Gabbana handbag with the hashtag #gohome underneath.
Later, while skimming the e-mails sent to him from other like-minded white-skinned pure-bred Europeans who were tired of coming 2nd, he smiled as he came across a write-up of the current president (he assumed) of Canada. He liked the sound of the straight-talk and laughed to himself that some people out there actually thought it might be a good idea for the government to setup a place where junkies could get high with drugs bought by the state! What kind of people did this Harper guy have to deal with over there?! Much more important than that, though, was the pressing issue of forcing Muslim women who wear a niqāb to remove it during the Canadian citizenship ceremony (you know those two women who wanted to do that? It is so effing important. It affects all of us! It's so important, in fact, that it is the factor highlighted by most news outlets as the reason that the NDP's support has dropped by more than 4 points in the days following the foreign policy debate where this ridiculous non-issue was raised by those lying fear-mongering pompous sociopathic Conservatives -- "Forum Research president Lorne Bozinoff attributes the latest bump in Tory fortunes to the party scoring points amid the recent flare-up in the controversy over the niqab, the face veil some Muslim womenswear". Four points! That, for the uninitiated, is representative of 0.04 x 35,000,000 = one and a half million people. What the hell is wrong with you people? You wouldn't even have known about this if the Conservatives weren't using it to get racist rednecks to get interested in an election. How stupid and gullible and weak minded can you be [just curious -- maybe actually this is a social experiment and you're trying to figure out the maximum of human stupidity and weak mindedness]? I imagine someone's thoughts working somewhere along these lines: well, I don't agree with all these ideology-based policy decisions and ignoring science and actually outright full-on attacking it and building super prisons that we don't need and war mongering and jingoism and Canada's reduced influence in the world and scandal and lying and still promoting out-dated ineffective -- and in fact opposite of effective as they lead to increased gang violence and addiction problems -- drug war and de-funding women's rights groups and spy bills and ridiculous fear mongering with respect to anything different and claiming to be sober economic stewards but actually adding more debt to the country than any other party in history and all this other stuff but man at the same time somebody that I've never met and that I will never see and I didn't even know there was such a thing as a citizenship ceremony if they're allowed to wear some kind of head scarf Muslim terrorist thingy during that ceremony? NO thanks! That is just so different from what I would do in a citizenship ceremony. That is much more important to me than all those other things and I'm just going to change my vote right here and right now thank you very much).
Andreas smiled as he read that some million and a half people had changed their vote from a party that would allow these people to wear something that was part of their cultural or religious tradition and moved it to a party that would ban it outright because obviously allowing that would most likely promote terrorism and is just another example of the once-strong Christian culture being dismantled by outsiders and he thought hey, this Canada place sounds pretty great.
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